Recovering from OCD: The Paradox

If you've ever dealt with a mental disorder, you'd probably agree that the difficulty of the recovery process can add on to your existing anxiety/depression. Furthermore- it can be extremely frustrating to put sincere effort into recovery and see little to no change. Unfortunately, there are rarely formulaic solutions to mental disorders-- everyone lives in a different environment and has different genetics; making therapy a complicated ordeal.

If you haven't read my previous posts, I have "Pure-O" OCD: a subtype of OCD that has purely cognitive obsessions and compulsions (as compared to someone who has physical compulsions, such as hand-washing). For those with Pure-O, recovery takes a good bit of strategy and time. So today, I thought I'd share my experience with recovering from Pure-O, and how to surmount the paradox that the disorder inherently presents.

To quickly summarize, people with Pure-O have irrational obsessive thoughts that can stick around for hours or days at a time. For example, someone with Pure-O might fear that because an image of themselves raping a child popped into their head, that they are automatically a rapist (don't worry- those with Pure-O are not criminals. Keep in mind that these fears are irrational, don't even make sense, will almost never be acted upon by the victim).

Most people, not just those with OCD, instinctively respond to intrusive thoughts by assuring themselves that they don't make any sense: "Of course I'm not a rapist!" However, for those with OCD,  a response to an intrusive thought like that will cause great distress. Denying the thought makes the fear of it even worse. Thus, here lies the paradox: if the thoughts cannot be dealt with through rational thought, how can the victim recover?

The solution varies from person to person; however, most commonly, Pure-O is dealt with by encouraging the victim to imagine that their thoughts were true. Rather than denying an intrusive thought, allowing the person to live through the nightmare the thought contains can quickly make their fears extinct. This is much analogous to the way that someone with a fear of roller coasters can simply ride a roller coaster to overcome their fright.

This method of therapy is called "Exposure." During my time in therapy, my counselor would have me write down the worst possible scenario that my thoughts wanted me to believe. Initially, even writing my thoughts down would give me crippling anxiety; however, after a couple months, the intrusive thoughts that used to control me no longer bothered me.

While exposure therapy has great use for Pure-O, I believe that anyone can benefit from the principle of it. Obviously, going on a roller coaster will help someone overcome their fear of roller coasters, but most people don't realize that applying the same exposure principle to cognition can help to overcome everyday anxiety and worry. Humans have been blessed with the gift of cognition; however, our imaginative abilities can serve as a breeding ground for fictional fears. In my opinion, it is about time we stop dealing with irrationality rationally, and start using concepts of overcoming physical fears for cognitive fears.

The Psychopath Inside of All of Us

Here's a no-shame clickbait intro: we all want to murder someone! (I will explain in a bit)

If you didn't deduce it from the title of my blog, I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. For these coming weeks, my posts will consist of my thoughts, experiences, and opinions on it.

Last week, I gave my definition of the disorder and introduced some basic concepts about OCD. This week, I'm going to talk some more about my particular type of OCD (In case you weren't aware, there are many different types of OCD).

Imagine you're walking down College Ave mid-May. It's a warm, pleasant day; the air is dry and the sunshine paints the sidewalks as it spills over the clouds. You're with friends- laughing and content, when out of the corner of your eye, you notice a man (unknown to you) walking on the other side of the street. All of the sudden, you have the thought, "I want to kill him."

Now of course- you're not a psychopath, and neither am I. These types of thoughts happen to most people on a daily basis. They're random and meaningless. An average, non-OCD person, will brush this thought away with certainty that it does not match their true sentiments. ("That's ridiculous, I don't want to kill someone!'). People with OCD, including myself, might say the same thing to themselves- "Of course I don't want to kill that man!"- however; our brains respond back to us, "what if you do want to murder that man?" Upon this response, the viscous cycle of obsession begins.

I've got to clarify this, as I fear people somehow might misinterpret my words: I have never had the desire to kill anyone, nor will I ever. Amazingly, those with OCD, including myself, actually know that these types of thoughts are completely ridiculous. Nonetheless, we can't seem to stop worrying about whether or not they truly represent us.

This type of OCD (generally called "Pure-O" OCD), has an inherently paradoxical nature: "If I truly did want to murder that person, why am I worried about whether or not I want to murder them? If I was a psychopath at heart, I wouldn't be worried about being one." Even though everyone with Pure-O realizes this at somepoint, it does nothing to relieve any anxiety. Using logic to counter OCD almost never works, and can even make things worse.

So in summary, no, I am not a murderer, and neither is anyone with OCD. In fact, population studies have shown that those with Pure-O OCD are no more likely to harm others than the general population. But for some reason, OCD disregards logic and proceeds to spawn anxiety within the victim. This raises the question, how does someone deal with OCD if logic cannot be used to counter it? That question will be answered in next week's post, so tune in!

An Introduction to My Thinking

Around this time last year, we were all writing the infamous college essay. Our eyes would strain from constantly staring at a computer screen for hours on end, sometimes only to walk away frustrated and defeated from the inevitable writers block. Lucky for me, I had one of the rare "easy" topics to write a good essay about. Me, being the Einstein that I am, decided to not take advantage of this opportunity. Instead, I decided to write about ADHD and my experience with it. As it turns out, that was a horrible topic to choose. My essay turned out awfully.

The "easy" topic that I should have written about was a different disorder: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Many of my life's turning points have involved OCD, so everything about it screams "College essay! College essay!" But, since I didn't write about it then, I am going to write about it now. Welcome to my blog, where I'll be writing about my experience with OCD. 

To begin, I'd like to provide you with some foundational knowledge on OCD, if you don't already have it: what it is and how it affects someone. 

The problems of OCD begin when a victim has disturbing thoughts enter their head. Surprisingly, most people have disturbing thoughts. For example, you might be meeting someone for the first time, giving them a handshake, and suddenly you think: "This person must have AIDS on their hand!" This is obviously a ridiculous thought, but nonetheless, thoughts like this often show up uninvited. Someone without OCD will immediately be able to dismiss the thought. Someone with OCD, however, may come to believe this ridiculous thought (This sentence oversimplifies what actually goes on, but this explanation will have to do for now). 

As soon as they believe the thought, they will usually perform a ritual to prevent the horrible outcome from happening- in this instance, they may wash their hands dozens of times to minimize their perceived chance of getting AIDS from a handshake. This will cause them great stress, not only because they are worried about contracting a disease, but also because they do recognize that their behavior and thought processes are unreasonable yet there is little that they can do to stop themselves.

This is simply one example of OCD. There are many others, including but not limited to: the fear of being a pedophile, fear of being a murderer and superstition (i.e. actually fearing that stepping on a crack will break your mother's back). Each type of the disorder can have differing severity, and differing obstacles that get in the way of daily life. If, for instance, someone always fears that they left their oven on, they might be a couple hours late to work due to them compulsively checking the oven.

Hopefully, you have a better grasp of what OCD its effects. On my next post, I will give an overview of my particular type of OCD, and how misconceptions about it delayed my recovery process.

Image Credit: Doorway Arizona