The Psychopath Inside of All of Us

Here's a no-shame clickbait intro: we all want to murder someone! (I will explain in a bit)

If you didn't deduce it from the title of my blog, I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. For these coming weeks, my posts will consist of my thoughts, experiences, and opinions on it.

Last week, I gave my definition of the disorder and introduced some basic concepts about OCD. This week, I'm going to talk some more about my particular type of OCD (In case you weren't aware, there are many different types of OCD).

Imagine you're walking down College Ave mid-May. It's a warm, pleasant day; the air is dry and the sunshine paints the sidewalks as it spills over the clouds. You're with friends- laughing and content, when out of the corner of your eye, you notice a man (unknown to you) walking on the other side of the street. All of the sudden, you have the thought, "I want to kill him."

Now of course- you're not a psychopath, and neither am I. These types of thoughts happen to most people on a daily basis. They're random and meaningless. An average, non-OCD person, will brush this thought away with certainty that it does not match their true sentiments. ("That's ridiculous, I don't want to kill someone!'). People with OCD, including myself, might say the same thing to themselves- "Of course I don't want to kill that man!"- however; our brains respond back to us, "what if you do want to murder that man?" Upon this response, the viscous cycle of obsession begins.

I've got to clarify this, as I fear people somehow might misinterpret my words: I have never had the desire to kill anyone, nor will I ever. Amazingly, those with OCD, including myself, actually know that these types of thoughts are completely ridiculous. Nonetheless, we can't seem to stop worrying about whether or not they truly represent us.

This type of OCD (generally called "Pure-O" OCD), has an inherently paradoxical nature: "If I truly did want to murder that person, why am I worried about whether or not I want to murder them? If I was a psychopath at heart, I wouldn't be worried about being one." Even though everyone with Pure-O realizes this at somepoint, it does nothing to relieve any anxiety. Using logic to counter OCD almost never works, and can even make things worse.

So in summary, no, I am not a murderer, and neither is anyone with OCD. In fact, population studies have shown that those with Pure-O OCD are no more likely to harm others than the general population. But for some reason, OCD disregards logic and proceeds to spawn anxiety within the victim. This raises the question, how does someone deal with OCD if logic cannot be used to counter it? That question will be answered in next week's post, so tune in!